Child, Do You Hear Me?

Throughout my thirty-four years on this earth, God has shown Himself faithful, even when I wasn’t being faithful to Him. Being able to know and hear from God is one of the many gifts we as believers will receive in our walk with Christ. One of the many prayers I have prayed over again is “God, speak to me in a way that only I will understand, and know it’s you”. He has exceeded that request time and time again.

I’m a girl who loves her sleep. I go to bed early and wake up early. It’s just how I have always been. I wouldn’t call myself a light sleeper, but if you talk straight to me, I’ll probably wake up…especially if you’re Jesus. I keep a notebook and pen on my nightstand just for those moments. I love to dream, and I remember a lot of my dreams. Sometimes I’ll get a very clear “word”, and other times it’s a bad dream that wakes me up and prompts me to pray…just pray for everything. I love those moments, but back when I was “young in my faith”, God had to come at me differently.

I was about twenty-four years old, living with my then seven-year-old daughter, smack dab in the middle of the hood. That was all I could afford. I had moved out of my parent home when I was eighteen, because ya know I KNEW EVERYTHING, and was ready to live my own life. To call what I was doing “living” would be an exaggeration…I was more surviving than anything. If I could only use one word, to sum up my late teens and early twenties it would be RECKLESS. I was becoming a slave to my poor choices. All along I knew God’s love for me, and I knew he had a plan for me, however I just couldn’t get out of my way to see it come to fruition. I was going down and going down quickly.

One night, after sending my daughter to bed, I sat on the floor of my living room and cried. I cried for probably an hour. I had reached my breaking point. I was in a toxic relationship, battling an eating disorder, drinking myself to death every weekend, and attempting to raise my daughter purely out of obligation during that season of my life. I remember lying on my face and crying out to God, asking Him question after question. I didn’t understand why I was still alive, or why anyone would want to love me. All the sudden, the quiet radio that I kept on all the time in my bathroom increasingly got louder (remember, I’m still on the floor of my living room). The song that came on is one I will never forget, and it answered all the questions I had for God that night.

Tenth Avenue North

“By Your Side”

Why are you striving these days?

 Why are you trying to earn grace?

 Why are you crying?

 Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?

 Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?

 To where will you go child?

 Tell me where will you run, to where will you run?

'cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall

 In the dead of night whenever you call

 And please don't fight these hands that are holding you

 My hands are holding you.

My very first WOW GOD moment! Ever since that night, I knew God heard me when I prayed, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt the voice and presence of God in my life. Worship became another avenue to hear God. It always seems that the right worship song will come on exactly when I need it, and I know the Spirit is right there with me. God longs to be in communication with us, we must take the time, and call out to him. I pray that you will take that step and listen for the voice of God calling you unto Himself. They call it a personal relationship with God for a reason. Your communication with God doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. Allow it to be just as unique as you are.