The Privilege of Being Still
Every night before bed Donny and I pray together. He does all the out loud praying, while I just lie there holding his hand, agreeing with and ever so gently squeezing his hand to affirm and confirm everything he is saying. However, two nights ago I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore, and I simply broke down before him. I told him I was STUCK. As the tears rolled down my face, and on to my white bed spread I told him that I just couldn’t be the person, let alone writer that I knew God was calling me to be. I said with all frustration behind it, “I should just go back to doing what I know I’m good at, and can make money doing…being a hairdresser.”(not that there is anything at all wrong with that, it’s just our families new schedules don’t really allow time for me to.) Being the man of few words that he is, Donny simply continued to pray, gave me a great hug, and we went to sleep.
I woke up this morning, not sure where the idea came from, but still with a strong sense of BEING STILL vs. BEING STUCK. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God brought our family to Florida, so that we could realign our focus back to Him. The reoccurring problem is that I keep trying to replicate the life I had in Clovis, here in Crestview. It’s just not supposed to work like that. I felt it so strongly this morning that God was calling me into a season of being STILL, but not STAGNENT.
My definition of productivity centered around how many clients I had, how much money I was making, and how many organizations I could associate myself with. Now, with all that striped away, I’m left to discover a life of being STILL. Being still in my mind, body, heart and spirit. Learning to live a life where God is in full control, and I am not.
In this season I’m having to accept that God has to be the one to call my body to line up, and operate the way He intended it to (I aint got no job now, so I can’t be out buying all my fancy supplements to wake me up, make me skinny, and make me sleep). God has to be the one to settle my mind: I’m with my kids all the time now, so I need to be clear headed, and alert. He has to be the one to mend my broken heart from the hurt it has experienced, and draw my spirit back unto Him. It is a process in which I must die daily to my flesh, and allow God to get what He wants out of me. I have to trust Him with absolutely everything from our finances, to our kids. From our marriage, to the friends our kids choose. It all has to center back to Him. There are times I put unrealistic expectations on myself, and even doubt the abilities God has given me simply because of time passing me by, or seeing others “get it before me.” We all just gotta get to a point where we accept that the Author of All Time is the one who DETERMINES OUR DEADLINES.
If you are in a season of feeling STUCK, I would encourage you, as I encourage myself to allow yourself the privilege of being STILL. Trusting God until, and even when it hurts. In 1Corinthians 2:9 it reads “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.” Take this STILL SEASON to seek out all that God wants to do in and through you. Peace out and Journey on friends.
