What a great man taught me about an even greater God
I’m pleased to have you along this journey to wholeness with me. I saw fit to have my first blog entry be about the one person who has been along for the ride since the very beginning: my husband Donny. We have been married for five years now, and we are blessed to raise three amazing kids together. Our story is one that in my opinion, only God could have orchestrated. The funny parts, and not so funny parts, all intricately woven together to create the tapestry that is beautifully, the Warfel’s.
Allow me to take you to a time in my life that was pre-Donny. This way you can know a little back story first (it seriously makes the tale that more sweet). In a small town such as Clovis, the adult dating pool can be compared to a newborn baby’s bath tub - lukewarm and not that deep. The pickin’s most definitely slim, and to add another factor to the equation, I was the single mother to my lovely Nevaeh, so I needed to be even choosier when it came to finding a mate. Yes, I said I WAS FINDING MY MATE, not waiting patiently on the Lord to bring me one, I was on the hunt!
As far back as I could remember I wanted to be in a loving, committed relationship. By having my daughter so young, there was this urgency to make my family “complete”. I proclaimed myself to be The QUEEN OF THE BLIND DATE. If someone told me they knew of a “nice young man”, I was on it with quickness! I mean, a girls gotta eat right? What’s the harm in going on a date and getting to know someone? A lot of harm if you went about it like I did. I was planning my wedding before the waitress could even take our drink order. I was desperately seeking, but it seemed every good guy was desperately hiding from me.
One year after our Women of Destiney conference, my mother and I were driving home together from the beautiful Glorieta, NM. During the drive home she asked me, “What are you praying for in a man?” I remember just giving her some generic answer, and then listing all the reasons I felt the “man pool” had run dry for me. She immediately picked up my journal and told me I needed to get specific with my prayer request. Over that three-hour drive we came up with three pages worth of specific attributes I was seeking God for, concerning my soul mate (that term is so corny, but true).
I would love to say that I diligently prayed over that list, but I didn’t. Once in a while, after another heart break, I would flip back to those pages and beg God to send that man to me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the woman that the man on those pages would want at that time. See, too many times we beg God to grant us these grandiose requests, but we ourselves don’t even have the capacity to receive what we ask for. I was most defiantly not ready to handle what I was asking God for.
Let’s fast forward a few years. As I was trying to navigate through a pretty toxic, reoccurring relationship there was still a strong desire to serve God and search for the man He had for me. Our church at the time had a young adults group that I became pretty involved with. It was nice to be around other people my age that the majority was all in the same single and searching boat that I was in. I used it as a “Christian mixer” if you will. You gotta take full advantage of the resources set before you, right? Our church was rapidly growing and needed to be staffed with young, forward-thinking individuals who shared the vision of the church and could move it into the newest technologies for churches. ENTER, DONNY WARFEL.
Typically in the church world there are more single women than men. Our church was no exception. So when a new piece of meat (single guy) was thrown into the lioness den, you had to jump first and jump fast if you wanted to be the first one to sample. I know that sounds so barbaric, but hey, it was hard out there in the single girl wilderness. You had to claim what was yours before another woman did.
I still remember the first night I met Donny. It was the night before my last body building show, and I needed to use the computer at the house I knew he was staying at. See, ladies you always gotta have a plan in place! I knew he was going to be there and I seriously could have gone to my folks’ house to use the computer, but needed to check out who eventually would be the man of my dreams. It’s all about strategic planning (I would love to say I’m kidding, but I was so serious). I remember casually making conversation with everyone in the room, but keeping my focus on Donny. I liked what I had immediately seen. As I was getting ready to leave, he stood up from the couch and my mouth dropped. He was a BIG BOY! Did I fail to mention, that amongst all the other issues I had, vanity was ranked high on the list? My heart was disappointed, but only for a split second.
At the time, my career in fitness was on a high. I was the premiere female fitness trainer in Clovis and it was my mission to make everyone around me healthy and fit. All the men I had been involved with were in really great shape. I had a type and I stuck with it. However, something hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw Donny, and the obvious fact that he was not “in shape” didn’t bother me at all. I can honestly say I fell in love at first sight. Unfortunately, he did not.
He was a focused man, but not at all on me. I was coming to the table with all my best laid out and he couldn’t have cared less. I was confused and secretly humbled. “This man is trying to check me”, is what played in my head. I never had to work so hard to get a guy to notice or take interest in me. That’s because I went for guys that I knew didn’t require much. Where my character was at the time was plenty for them, but not enough for Donny.
Over the months I had to do some real soul-searching and have some honest dialogue with myself to see just what it might be about me that he wasn’t in to. I knew that it wasn’t just me (because he told me so) as he had his own things going on, but God was doing a real work on me. I knew there was something different about him, which made me want to be different. I went back to the list I created years before - it shocked me. Donny was every single thing I had written down on those three pages EXCEPT for the physical traits. See, we can ask God for what we in our flesh want, but God is still God, and He will give us what He knows we need. Your miracle might not come wrapped the way you thought, but that doesn’t lessen the impact it can have on you.
As time went on, our friendship blossomed, and you could tell the feelings for one another were growing. I remember one night, after watching SNL, he was leaving my apartment and he leaned in and kissed me. It was everything I hoped it would be! However, immediately after he made sure to tell me that it didn’t mean anything and that we were just friends. You know my pride wouldn’t let me cry or make a big deal in front of him, so I just agreed with him. A piece of me died after I closed the door. “What is wrong with me”, I said to myself. I was not about to let this guy run the show. So what did I do? I got me an E-Harmony account!
My dad, being the marriage and relationship mediator that he is, was curious how the whole online dating thing worked so he bought me a membership for Christmas. The short time I had it, I made sure Donny knew there were other men interested in me, even if he wasn’t (real mature, I know). My game playing didn’t last long though. On Valentine’s Day night we went to dinner with some married friends of ours. As the dinner ended he reached under the table and held my hand the entire time. I was so happy, and confused.
The next morning I texted him and told him I needed to know just what was going on between us. He simply replied back, “I’m ready to date you now”. WHAT? No way! This guy doesn’t just get to decide to date me now! Before I could “clap back” at him, he explained himself. See, days before that dinner he had a meeting with our boss and had received his first pay raise. He told me he wasn’t going to date a girl unless he knew he was going to marry her. Since I had Nevaeh, he wasn’t going to marry me unless he knew that he could financially provide for a family. The insertion of a foot in my mouth or some humbleness should have been what came over me, but you know what I did? I told him, “Fine, but I will only be a girlfriend for one year”. I was so petty!
Donny understood the concept of provision. It wasn’t enough for him to just support himself, he wanted to make sure he could support both Nae and I - spiritually, emotionally, as well as financially. That is just how our Heavenly Father wants to care for us. Every aspect is important to Him. In Ephesians 5:25 it says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”. That was what Donny was trying to do all along, but my impatience got the best of me at times.
Well, we went on to date and were married just shy of one year from the day he said he was ready to date me. Within that first year, we had some of the greatest moments, like the birth of our twin boys; and some of the worst; I’ll save for another story. Through this all I learned the power of a great God, through the quiet power of a great man. I would love to say to all my single friends that this is how it will work out for you, but I can’t. This story, however, tells of the importance of patience, humbleness, being specific in what we ask of our God, and allowing God to do what he knows is best for us. I’m honored to be Donny’s wife, and I can’t wait to see where God takes my family and me on this journey to wholeness.
