I Rediscovered Love on My Journey to Emmaus
I can still remember the night I told Donny that I loved him for the first time. It was so STINKIN AWKWARD! I mean, HE made it awkward for me. As bad as I felt, you would have thought I’ve never told anyone that I loved them. In hindsight, it went that bad only in my mind. For the absolute first time in my life…I truly understood the weight of what I was saying, and meant every word of it.
In previous stories I’ve shared about my desire to be truly loved and cared for by someone. Now, I’m not just talking about the love from a parent, I had that from a great dad and mother. I’m talking about as I got older, and desired it from a partner. I was “that girl” who was throwing out the phrase I LOVE YOU on the second date! Yes, I was desperately seeking, and the boys could smell it on me from a mile away. At that time, I didn’t understand the weight of what it meant to really love someone. I just thought to myself “If I tell him I love him, then that means I’ll be one step closer to getting married.” Because you know, once you get married all your problems go away, and your life is complete (insert sarcasm).
In other relationships that I had before Donny, the phrase I LOVE YOU was thrown out like candy to a crowded parade. It usually came after times of meaningless sex. Oh yes, I admit it…I was a mighty fornicator (clutch your pearls people, I’m about to get real). I went about obtaining love in any possible way that I could. From sleeping with them, to giving money, to making them my absolute focus. In the process, I lost more than I ever gained. Love can’t be found in a single meaningless moment, of self-centered passion. It took me years of heartbreak to understand that. True love, in its fullness and purist state can only be given and received by someone who understands its initial origin.
The book of 1 Corinthians is to some, considered the “love book” of the bible. In chapter 13 verses 4-7 it defines it simply in a way that most can understand. Something was immensely different about being with Donny, I desired to “love him” differently than I had “loved” others before him. I wanted to be patient with him. I made allowances for him that hadn’t with others. Because he was kind, I wanted to be kind to him. I wasn’t jealous of what he had, because he was choosing to share all he had with me. The honor I had for him came because he lived an honorable life. There was nothing self-seeking about him, and even when we got angry with one another, we were able to resolve it quickly. He knew my past. I was more than upfront with him about “all my ways” that came before him, and he chose to love me anyway. I was truthful with him regarding all my hopes and dreams, my good points and my not so good points, and he wanted only to protect them. That’s true love right there. Now… lets get real for a second… I’M SURE he wanted to sleep with me too, but it wasn’t what he was trying to pursue or conquer like so many of my previous relationships. He knew that down the road he could get to that part (YALL KNOW I HAD TO TAKE IT THERE, JUST FOR A SECOND)! Loving me with a God- centered type of love was his initial mission.
My “love life” with Donny has been one of the greatest blessing in my life. I never thought I could receive anything quite like if from anyone else, till the weekend of June 28-July 1 2018. Understanding love and grace in its truest, and rawest form is one of the most overwhelming experiences, and I was blessed with the honor of receiving it for 72 hours straight. To know that there are people in the world who don’t even know you, and are covering you in constant prayer is humbling to say the least. Despite all the wrong I’ve done in my life, these people as well as my Heavenly Father have chose to extend nothing but undeserved love and mercy to me. I simply cannot put into words how that feels.
The gift of love and grace is something that was given to us far before we were ever in a position that was ready to receive it. I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that people, those here on earth, and the one who created the earth, could love me so intensely and serve me so un-selfishly. My journey along the road to Emmaus allowed me to redefine love, grace, and true friendship. It has caused me to desire to out- love, out- serve, and out- give grace to those around me. It’s a once in a lifetime experience that was gifted to me and for that I’ll forever be grateful.
How has LOVE been defined in your life? Are you in a season of “OLD SHARESSE” where you equate love with sex? Don’t be ashamed, many people regardless if they want to admit it or not have lived the same life. Are you seeking the truest and rawest form of love? I hope so. In John 15: 13-15 it reads “ There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.”
I was a slave to my self because of my choices. Donny never treated me like a slave, he loved me with the love of Christ, because Christ first loved him. I pray that while on your journey of self-discovery in Christ that you will seek out the truest and rawest form of love and grace that can only come from a deep and intimate relationship with Christ. He loved you before you were ever created. He calls you beautiful, when you feel the most un-lovely. He calls you His, when it seems no one wants you. You are loved with the greatest love that can ever be felt. Journey on friends.
