Forever...Forever Ever...Forever Ever??
On February 2, 2013, I committed the rest of my eternal existence on Earth, to a man that I had known for not even two years. What had I gotten myself into? The idea of “till death do us part” didn’t seem like a big deal, until about one day into our honeymoon. They say you really get to know a person when you live with them; whoever “they” are couldn’t be more accurate.
We were so excited to head out on our seven-day honeymoon to Sedona, AZ. My parents so graciously gave us the use of their timeshare at a quaint resort there. If you’ve ever been to Sedona then you know that it is a beautifully, cooky little town. We were there during their “off” season, and it seemed as if time stood still in 1992. I mean, I love a good wrap around the waist flannel look, paired with combat boots, but everyone looked like that, and the live music at each restaurant was most definitely reminiscent of that era. We were determined to enjoy ourselves even though we were the only two people under the age of like sixty. Well…all the crazy stories regarding the vortexes and earthly energy that came from this hippy destination were showing themselves to be heavily at work on our new legally bound love. With unexpressed expectations, untold hurt feelings, and undealt with past hurts; our journey through wedded bliss began.
Studies have shown that the first five to seven years of marriage can be the most challenging. Well, here we are just finishing up our sixth year and yes, I would say they certainly pushed us to many a breaking point. If it hadn’t been for God, praying parents, a ridiculously patient husband, and therapy (lots of therapy for me) we NEVER would have made it. I can remember a time in my life when all I wanted to do was get married. I can also recall a time or two in my life when all I wanted to do was NOT be married. Not because my husband wasn’t a great husband, but because he IS a great husband, and I WASN’T being a great wife. He is such a great guy, and I didn’t want to ruin him for anyone else.
In past stories, I have shared about my less than desirable childhood. Chaos and divorce were normal to me. Yelling to get your point across was a common choice of communication. Vacations were not to be expected, and family dinners few and far between. My father has since found the love of his life and has been happily married for eighteen years, but it was a rough road getting there. Donny’s upbringing, was completely opposite of mine. His parents are still together and happy after almost thirty-three years. From what he tells me, and by his personality there wasn’t a lot if any yelling in his home. Vacations were a regular thing for him, summers on the shore and trips to Disney. I believe until he and his brother were older and doing their own thing, family dinners were consistent. Donny grew up with a childhood that I thought only happened on TV shows. That is actually part of what attracted me to him.
When Donny and I began dating I asked a lot of questions about his family. I already had enough drama from my side of the family; I didn’t need to be in a relationship with someone who had just as much or even more drama than I. I know there are situations out there where both people in the relationship come from troubled backgrounds and it turns out great for them. That’s not what I wanted. I admired that Donny longed to provide a similar upbringing for his kids that he had. However; with that desire came a lot of change and sacrifice from both of us.
They say the most stressful times in life are during a move, during a death, having a new baby, starting a new job, or having a wedding. Well, we experienced all of those (except the death) in our first four years. It’s like we just picked a random day, sat down and said to each other “let’s just test the strength of our love, and make all these major moves all at once.” We didn’t actually do it, but it sure felt that way. I fought him during every one of these seasons. What bothered me most was that he wouldn’t really fight back with me. For the most part, he made good points, that I know he sought God on, I just wasn’t ready to jump on board. Most of it was because of my pride. I wanted to be in control and run things, but a lot of these changes were centered around him and his change of career, and the children and I were just along for the ride. I had to learn the real truth behind that verse in Ephesians 5:22-23 “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. I had to learn the art of submission. Not because Donny was better than me, but out of respect for him, and God.
Now, ladies who haven’t yet grabbed hold of this way of thinking give me a second to take this a bit further. In verses 25&26 of that same chapter it explains it a little more “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.” I was never able to come to a place of submission in my past relationships. The men I dated were all governing themselves by themselves. I couldn’t trust their decisions or fully commit myself to them. However, Donny was and still is submitted to Christ first. He chooses to seek God in all things, which now makes it easy for me to trust and submit to him. It took me a long time to come to this, and I regret all the wasted time to fight him, but now I see how good God is when He is putting two people together.
To say that marriage is hard would be an understatement. We got pregnant in the first year with twins. He changed jobs twice. He deployed four times. We bought and are in the process of selling our first home. To top it all off, we moved our entire lives across the country so Donny could take an even better position within his company. Let’s talk about true submission not just to Donny, but to God too because I had zero control in any of these situations. I could sit here and act like all of these things happening were just the worst situations for us, or I could choose to see the good in them. We were blessed with twins. Because of Donny’s great brain, he was able to obtain a career as an engineer, and a degree to go along with it. Because of the deployments, we were in a financial position to purchase our first home. Since moving away from all that I’ve ever known, I have been able to trust God and Donny on a whole new level. What the enemy used to scare us, or make us throw in the towel, God used to reveal His love and faithfulness.
The past six years have had their ups and downs, but I couldn’t imagine going through them with anyone other than Donny. He truly is my better half, my best friend, my forever boyfriend, and the love of my life. Who knows what adventures or heartbreaks lie ahead of us, but as long as we continue to seek God, and hold on to one another I know we will always come out on top. To my married readers out there, (especially the ones with kids) my non-professional advice to you would be to always pray together, and date each other REGULARLY. Put your spouse before your kids! I know it sounds harsh, but you have kids so that you can raise them, and send them out into the world. You pledged your life to your mate, and you're kinda stuck with them, so you might as well make it fun. To my single readers, please know that God hasn’t forgotten about you, and He will show himself faithful when the time is right (I know it really sucks when married people say that stuff to you, but I’m trying to be encouraging, hang in there). I dedicate this story to my husband of six years, D-MONEY Warfel. Happy anniversary, I love you the most. Peace out and journey on friends
